For Now
(Dragato/ Tali/ Gravel)
(Dragato/ Tali/ Gravel)
“I think you need to keep her home this winter.”
.
.
.
Dragato is not all together surprised to hear that coming from his father’s mouth. It doesn’t mean that he’s any more happy to be hearing it.
Gravel sits at his side and gives him a look that’s as half calm as it is unreadable. Even to this day, so many years later, he still could be difficult to parse in the expression. No amount of grandchildren or new leases on life had quite changed that intrinsic part of himself, but Dragato wouldn’t have anyhow.
“And why is that?” Dragato says without quite looking at him. There’s a warm cup of tea in his hands that’s barely been touched, traces of seasoning and spice floating in granules at the top. His reflection stares up at him, watery and discolored.
“I believe you know why that is, my son.”
Dragato says nothing. The way his grip tightens around the cup in his hands says enough.
It was funny, he thought. Winter was supposed to be a time of celebration. No matter where he went across the cosmos, the holidays always seemed to coincide, even if the traditions were different. Gifts, love and laughter, ringing in a new year with friends and family.
Kalmari was, of course, no different. Squidmas was a holiday everyone looked forward to, and New Year’s was always heralded with fireworks, laughter, and maybe a little bit of alcohol. Even winter itself, which brought snow, was always something to look forward to.
Pity that he and his own family never could celebrate it without some kind of heartache.
“Dragato. She has not slept yet. If she doesn’t learn about it now, with her elders to teach her, how will she know when she’s grown, without her family? You understand this.”
“I know.” Spoken through grit teeth.
“You know. You don’t understand.”
Gravel rises from his spot at Dragato’s side and maneuvers across the living space to the fire that simmers beneath another boiling pot of tea. Despite that winter is coming, and the cold with it, Gravel’s canyon home is well-heated, and Dragato thinks it’s for more reason than just comfort and a reminder of North Nova.
He watches his father prepare the two of them another cup. The sounds of pouring and the crackling of fire over wood fill the space in those sparse minutes of quiet between them, soothing and unnerving both. The space feels so full for all that it’s just the two of them, here, saying not one word.
Gravel lets the tea soak with spices. Enough to water the eyes, but it was a luxury in the deserts of his homeland, and their family had acquired a taste for it over the years. And when it’s done, he brings both back over, hands Dragato a fresh cup and takes the old one out of his hands without fanfare.
“You let it go cold,” He chastises without heat.
“It still felt quite warm to me.”
“Warm isn’t how it should be consumed. Hot or not at all.”
“I must have forgotten.”
The new cup practically burns his hands. Still, he holds it and lets the heat sink in.
For a little bit longer, the silence holds steady, filled with unspoken thoughts and words. Fire crackles and warmth seeps into his skin, and beside him his father takes one long, slow sip of his drink.
Gravel wouldn’t push without reason. Who he is now isn’t who he had been before, bitter and angry with a vendetta against the world and himself for an accident that shouldn’t have happened. Gravel loved his family and Dragato knew it and loved him just as much.
Gravel does this out of love. He knows better than Dragato himself what the winter necessitates for a Zoos. All Zoos.
But still.
The thought of his daughter hibernating? Utterly terrifies him.
“Why couldn’t the family come to North Nova for Squidmas?”
“I think most of them would be ready to leave before sunset. I can imagine young Kirby would be especially full of complaints about no snow.”
It was a rhetorical question anyway.
Dragato gives a weary, tired sigh and raises the cup of tea to his lips, if only because his father had made it and to not drink from a second cup would be a waste and a disrespect to his hospitality. The flavor burns as much as the scalding water does – earthy, a hint of citrus and sour zest from unnamed plants hardy enough to grow in North Nova’s climate. It wasn’t any tea that Kalmari had, that was for certain.
“It must happen eventually, Dragato,” Gravel says gently. “I feel it now, in my bones. The fatigue and the need to nest. The warmth of home only does so much. I imagine Tali feels it too. She’s been napping far more than she ought to, hasn’t she?”
She has. Everyone around her has seen it. Slower than she should be, less excitable and reactive. She hasn’t even been as hungry as she should be, and Dragato couldn’t fathom that.
“I’m scared,” He mutters. “I can’t be without her. Not for that long.”
A few nights at Ramset’s is one thing, but…four months? Without seeing his daughter’s face, her toothy grin, her curiosity and excitement at the world around her? Hearing her good mornings or her good nights, not being able to help her bathe or tuck her in for a story?
How? How could he do that? He couldn’t. He would die of heartbreak in the first week, he was certain.
“It is an unfortunate part of life, one that we have to endure. Better that we all learn to navigate it now so that we can handle it without pain in the coming years.” Gravel tells him.
Without pain, Dragato thinks with acid. This was cruelty, is what it was. There was always going to be pain, no matter how many years went by.
He doesn’t say that, even if Gravel’s stare reads him like an open book. There’s no ill will in his eyes, just a calm, if maudlin understanding.
They had always gone to North Nova each winter, to avoid her sleeping. It was warm there where her body was more suited to the desert climates. Why couldn’t they keep doing it? Why did she have to sleep? What purpose did it serve? Animals migrated, birds migrated. It was the same thing.
“I just…”
Dragato feels a hand rest on his arm, rough and coarse but sure in its grip. Anchoring when he feels his breath begin to turn shuddered.
“She needs this,” Gravel says, and his tone is so soft, so calm. Dragato doesn’t understand how he could be so calm. “She needs to understand who she is before there is nobody around to teach her. For her own sake. Not ours.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know.”
NOVA, Dragato doesn’t want to. Every year as a child it had been like this – to watch his father Gravel take to the canyon for the long sleep, to not be able to have him around for festivities. Watching father Ramset power through each winter with the sheer force of false positivity and hope, all the while seeing the hint of loneliness lurking behind his eyes each night.
He couldn’t imagine it with Tali.
Being a parent had its heartaches, he remembers Meta muttering. Kirby was so rambunctious, so eager to explore, and Meta had a hard job, watching what could very well be the last little Warrior in the universe. One had to give up some things in order to watch a child grow. That was how being a parent worked. It sounded like Bate’s teachings coming from his child’s mouth.
Parenting was a trial of control and fostering independence, and was a delicate balance of each. They had to let go of some things eventually.
Tali was so, so young.
And he...was a bit selfish.
…
His tea was cooling down again.
“...I suppose there is no reason Tali can’t decide to move to North Nova overwinter on her own when she is older.” Gravel mumbles. He doesn’t seem all too content with the idea, but Dragato recognizes the attempt to soothe his sore feelings anyhow.
Dragato gives a chuckle that doesn’t sound very amused at all and reaches up to rub his face, setting the tea beside him with finality.
She needs to know. Gravel is right. If they don’t acclimate her and themselves to hibernating now, Dragato may not ever have the will to do it, certainly not on his own. But NOVA, it’s--
“I will be with you,” Gravel says, and the grip on his arm gives a squeeze of assurance. “You won’t be alone. And neither will she when the time comes. I’ll be with her.”
Yes, Dragato thinks. He will. At least… At least there’s that.
And then Gravel stands.
“I believe,” He says, “We should get going. I imagine your father and Tali are wondering about us, don’t you think?”
Dragato looks at him. Gravel, standing, towers over him, and maybe were he still a child and Gravel still lost in his own pain it might’ve been scary, to have a being like Gravel with sharp teeth and frills and armor standing above him.
But Gravel, with no armor, only his hide and teeth and loose cloth wrappings to define him, looks only calm and resolute and with a soft shine in his eyes. Older, now, than he was, and better for it with years and communication to wisen him up. Dragato’s father, who tries every day to redeem himself.
Gravel offers out his hand to help him up.
“...Yes,” Dragato says. “I imagine they are. And I think I’m wondering about them too.”
“Seconded.”
And Dragato takes his hand.
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The flight from the canyon to Ramset’s home in Kalmari Forest is a short but quiet one. Neither of them have much to say, and Dragato is too caught up in his own thoughts to really bother with small talk anyhow.
He had always wondered as a child just why Ramset and Gravel, his parents and a married couple, chose to live apart. They valued different things and needed their space, but they didn’t love each other any less for it. It worked and that was what mattered.
He still didn’t really understand, but he was glad things worked out for them.
As the sun begins to dip under the horizon and the already cool air begins to grow colder, they enter the thickets of the forest and Dragato maneuvers his way through the familiar path to Ramset’s home within. The lights are on, he can see from the windows in the closing distance. Maybe his father’s started on supper for the family, figuring it would be a late visit.
Ramset has not started on much of anything, as Dragato discovers upon entry.
The house is lit with the evening darkness and the trees that blot out most of the sunset, and much like Gravel’s home Dragato feels a wave of heat hit him in the face the moment he opens the door. It’s cozy in the way that everything is lit but casts deep shadows, reminding him of nights stayed up late as a child, barely managing to stay awake when he shouldn’t be.
Ramset, in his living area, is on the floor. There are toys about, children’s objects primarily of North Novan make able to withstand Tali’s great strength and sharp claws, some of which Gravel had made himself.
Tali herself, though, is in Ramset’s lap. She’s curled up tight into a little ball of tail and wings and dragonhide, looks like a little pillbug, and Dragato would have cooed at the sight had he not felt himself go cold.
She’s asleep.
Not yet. Not already. He hadn’t had the chance to say anything, to even say goodbye--
“Breathe,” Gravel tells him, and that heavy hand from before comes down to land on his shoulder. “It isn’t time yet. Her breathing is yet shallow.”
Ramset gives them both a look, glances between them, narrows his eyes and nods with a smile that has no heart. He knows. “She’s been like this since you dropped her off,” He murmurs, and a hand slides through her frills in a well-practiced gesture, over and over again. “Poor thing.”
Dragato hesitates. But Ramset has always been able to read things keenly. Chances are his father already knows, even if he can’t muster the words without effort. “...She’s spending the winter here. Father Gravel and I discussed it.”
Ramset nods, unsurprised. “I figured as much.”
Dragato watches as Ramset stands with Tali held in a cradle in his arms, and steps forward further into the home to take her when Ramset holds her out. She weighs so little for being a girl so strong, feels...less warm than she should be, which frightens him, but he knows it’s a byproduct of her oncoming rest.
He looks down at her, dozing in his arms like this, and his heart warms and breaks somehow at the same time.
How can he do this? How could he leave her to sleep for months on end, while the world turned without her? He didn’t know. He didn’t know if he could.
But he had to.
Maybe sensing the change in atmosphere and the introduction of new, familiar scents, Dragato watches Tali loosen from her coiled position and give a great stretch, yawning wide enough to show each and every little sharp tooth in her mouth. Squishies thought it so terrifying, but Dragato could only find it the cutest thing he’d ever seen.
“Good morning,” He murmurs, and the warmth of his voice is all too sincere. “Have a nice nap?”
“Hiii papa…” Tali rubs at her eye and snorts, lets out a weak little plume of smoke. She looks at him and she’s sleepy, but the way her tail wiggles shows her excitement plenty enough. “Uh huh. Nap was nice.”
And then Gravel appears, just at Dragato’s right, peeking around his arm to give Tali a wide smile of his own. “Well, look who it is, just waking up. Good evening, Tali!”
Now there was something to be said about the connection Gravel and Tali had with each other. Gravel adored her as his grandchild, certainly, but Tali? Well, she just adored him. They all had their theories on it – Tali had someone to relate to who hailed from North Nova, and in most of West Nova, probably Gravel was the only other Zoos around.
She gravitated towards her grandfather like a little moth to a flame anytime she saw him, and nobody was stopping her when she chose to do so. Her father was no exception, much as she loved him.
“Grandpa!” She cries, and for the moment all traces of sleep vanish from her frame as she reaches little claws out to grab onto him, nearly falling from Dragato’s arms in the process. “Grandpa!”
“It’s good to see you too, little one! Careful – why don’t we all sit down, yes? I think we have a lot to catch up on…”
Dragato cannot be more thankful for the distraction. Tali is too caught up asking Gravel about what he’s been up to, chattering about everything she’s been doing and eating since she last saw him which wasn’t that long ago. Gravel is happy to talk to her too as they settle down in the living room and Dragato gets some snacks for everyone. She’s been so busy lately, hasn’t she? Gravel is so proud of her, look how strong she’s getting!
“And how have you been feeling, my girl?” Gravel prods eventually, when everything is settled and there is food that Tali, notably, does not touch. “Hungry?” A shake of the head. “Thirsty?” A shake. “Sleepy?”
“Yeah! Reeeaal sleepy.” And she encapsulates the sentiment with a yawn that grabs her mid-sentence, although she shakes herself of the drowsiness quickly.
“Mmh. I’ve been feeling quite sleepy as well. For us Zoos, it’s normal when it gets cold. Have you felt it lately? The air?” Gravel glances Dragato’s way as Tali responds in the affirmative from her place on Gravel’s knee. “It’s almost winter, dear girl.”
Dragato has remained silent most of this time they’ve talked, as had Ramset, who chose to let Gravel handle the situation as a Zoos who knew the situation better than he did. Dragato, however, couldn’t blame anything but a kind of nervous anxiety for his lack of speech.
If he said anything, then it was going to be real.
Gravel looks at him pointedly, waiting.
Dragato takes a breath and smiles. “We aren’t going to be going to North Nova this year, Tali. We’re staying in Kalmari!”
And NOVA, does it pain him to see the way her eyes light up. To hear the happy noise she makes as she looks from her father to her grandfathers with a wondering, excited gleam in her eye.
“Stay with cousins! Have Squidmas! Staying, grandpas!”
How did he do this. How did he do this.
“Well, I’m...afraid not, Tali. Not exactly.”
“Huh?”
Dragato’s smile only stays on his face because he knows if he lets it fall, Tali will catch it, and of all things he can’t have her more upset than she’s going to be when he gives her the news.
He smiles at her in Gravel’s lap, reaches over to give her a scritch of the frills, and tries to explain it in a way a child would understand. “Well, you’re going to be hibernating this year, Tali. With your grandpa Gravel!”
She doesn’t know what that means. She doesn’t know what that means. He should have explained it.
“Hibernating? What that?”
His smile feels like plastic glued to his face.
“Hibernating,” Gravel says with far too much ease, “is when creatures like us need to sleep. All day and all night. For a very long time, until winter is over and it’s warm again. Does that make sense?”
“Erm.”
“You know how you feel sleepy? That’s you getting ready to hibernate. To go to sleep for a long time. Grandpa Gravel feels it too. And when it’s time to sleep, grandpa can help you learn to burrow, and then we’ll wake up when it’s spring again.”
Her snout wrinkles with the effort of understanding how he means. “Can wake up and play with cousins?”
“I’m afraid not, Tali. Hibernating is a big, big sleep. You and me, we won’t wake up for a long time. At all. Not until spring when it’s a lot warmer.”
Dragato had been waiting on pins and needles, for the moment she might realize, for what her reaction would be. It was such a long time for a child so young, and she would be missing Kalmari’s favorite celebrations with her cousins, would be missing North Nova’s own festivals too because she also enjoyed those even if they weren’t with her family.
He sees it in the way her expression turns as the reality of it sinks, in the way her brow furrows and her lip curls and Gravel starts to pat her side for a semblance of comfort. “No!” She barks with indignation, and she looks at Dragato quickly, who has to fight to keep eye contact with her. “Go to North Nova instead!”
“I’m afraid not, Tali,” And he has to fight so hard to keep his tone from shaking, from showing her that it kills him just to even think about. “It’s...something every little Zoos needs to learn here. For you to be big and strong and healthy.”
“No! No! No!”
Tali wouldn’t have listened to anything he had to say about it. She wouldn’t have understood, neither would she have cared, and Dragato knew it was going to happen but still it makes him want to cry when Tali near starts crying herself at what she’s being told to do.
Neither Dragato nor Gravel nor Ramset can do much of anything to calm her down, and to his credit Gravel looks entirely unsurprised.
“Stay awake! Not gonna sleep!”
“I’m sorry, dear girl. Your grandpa Gravel tried that himself a long time ago, when your papa was little. Our bodies want us to sleep, and so sleep we must.”
“Don’t want it! Won’t do it! Stupid! Stupid! No! Want cousins! Want papa and grandpas! Won’t do it!”
She tantrums. She spits all sorts of child-appropriate vitriol and thrashes and yells and cries and Dragato doesn’t have the heart to correct her language while Gravel somehow manages to hold her through something that might’ve broken the bones of literally anyone else.
There’s nothing they can do. There’s nothing anyone can do and Dragato can’t take it, being so helpless to soothe his girl’s upset. She has to learn, but why does his heart have to feel like it’s bleeding for her to do so? Why do they need to do this? Why them?
Ramset looks at him, quietly. He sees his son’s feelings, and Dragato sees the look in Ramset’s eyes that says his father has asked himself the exact same thing. Over and over. Year after year.
Why them?
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Dinner does eventually get made. Ramset doesn’t make it on his own though.
Dragato and Ramset stay in the kitchen to make it, in part because there are about three more mouths to feed than usual and one has elected to stay over for a few days to help smooth things over and bring some peace to the household.
Dragato, for his own health, couldn’t stay at Tali’s side for very long. Tali’s upset still had not abated even as the hours ticked by, and even from the kitchen he could hear her near caterwauls of adamant refusal.
“I wouldn’t feel too guilty,” Ramset had murmured. “Gravel is her favorite. I think he has everything well under control. Everyone needs a break, and parents especially.”
It’ll be alright, he’d said. It certainly didn’t feel that way, but he’d take his father’s word for it.
Gravel, for his part, had fielded each complaint that he could, and when he couldn’t had simply acknowledged her frustrations and let her feel her feelings. She didn’t want to miss anything. She didn’t want to sleep. She wouldn’t even know any time had passed, he’d said. Everyone would be right there waiting for her when she woke up, and she would have grandpa Gravel right there with her the whole time.
His heart ached for the little one, truly. In truth it brought back a few memories that he would rather forget, but it was not the time nor the place to reminisce on such things. He knew the pain his granddaughter was going through, and he would never let her suffer such as he had, forced to hibernate alone with no goodbyes.
But he understood her fears.
“Don’ wanna,” She eventually sniffles, when it seems like enough of her energy has burnt that the drowsiness in her core starts to overtake her big emotions. Her poor face is a mess of tears and snot, and Gravel rubs her back as she curls up in his lap and buries that face into his shoulder. “Don’ wanna…”
“I’m sorry, my girl. I know it’s hard. Grandpa has a hard time with it too…”
“Everyone gonna forget Tali…”
And that makes Gravel blink.
Is that what she’s scared of? How unprecedented. Gravel wouldn’t have guessed, honestly. Still.
His hand rubs over Tali’s back where he’s placed it maybe half an hour prior, careful of her wings. Soothing in its motion, in a familiar manner he recalls attempting with his sons when they themselves were young and he was getting used to them.
“Tali, look at me please.”
She pulls back to do so, and he wipes at one eye as he looks at her, firm and resolute. Brow furrowed but eyes bright with conviction.
“Your papa will never forget you,” He says. “Nobody would ever forget you. Not ever. Ask me or your grandpa Ramset – your papa never, ever stops talking about you. A thousand years could pass and your father would still always be thinking about you. And your cousins, and your uncles, and us, grandpa Gravel and Ramset and Bate – we love you so much. We’d never forget you. Do you understand?”
She doesn’t nod, but the way her tail wiggles behind her is a good sign. Gravel will take it.
He thinks to himself for a bit. Hibernating was a pain point he had had to endure with his own family for years, and that hadn’t stopped when Dragato and Falspar were children. They too had been upset about it.
But those two had had…
Something occurs to him.
“You know what,” He says quickly. “I have an idea! When your father and uncles were about your age, and grandpa Gravel had to hibernate, every year we had a tradition.”
“Uh huh?”
“We had a celebration week. Every day, until grandpa had to sleep, we would celebrate early Squidmas and New Year’s, all at the same time. Lots of food, presents, lots of games, and your father and uncles, they got to stay up well past their bedtime. Oh, they loved it.”
NOVA, that brought back memories. The laughter, the excitement. Being able to share in a holiday the way Gravel wouldn’t have been able to under normal circumstances. Being celebrated, in a way he hadn’t been. They were some of the happiest memories of his life.
“Does that sound fun, Tali? You could have a nice roast every day, and all your favorite dishes so you’re full when you’re ready to sleep. And everyone will be invited, cousins and all! How does that sound?”
Tali deserved to have those memories far more than Gravel had. She was so young. If anyone deserved a celebration like that, certainly it was her.
“Roast! Papa make roast!”
And of course Tali loves the idea. She practically yells it, raises her little arms up in triumph and excitement at the prospect of having a celebration for Squidmas, New Year’s, and herself. It’s the happiest Gravel has seen her in some time.
“Everything you can eat,” Gravel assures her. He’d cook it all himself if he had to. “Ramset! Dragato! We have a party to plan, where are you two?”
“Papa! Roast!”
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The idea had gone down well, as he’d hoped. And when it was pitched to the rest of the family, there was nobody who was unwilling to pitch in to celebrate a week that was just for Tali to celebrate the holidays that she couldn’t otherwise. Presents, food, games, who wouldn’t have wanted that?
Everyone came together. Even Meta and Kirby had decided to come early for a visit to spend time with her, in lieu of coming for Squidmas after she would be asleep, both of them bearing gifts for Tali to tear open on a later day of the week.
For all that Squidmas and New Year’s was a time to celebrate, Dragato honestly had to say that this week was far more festive than either holiday combined, and that wasn’t just his father’s heart talking.
They ate good food, everything prepared by family and even some friends who had heard of the festivities on the grapevine. An enormous potluck hosted in Dragato’s home and too many people to fit, so it had to be held outside. Fireworks gone off on a clear winter night, the children shrieking as they ran around under the stars. Staying up far too late past their bedtimes, and yes they were overtired and angry, but it was worth it for this one week.
Tali was beside herself with a joy and an excitement that Dragato wasn’t sure he had ever seen. It warmed his heart, and it reminded him so much of his younger years, when he had been almost her age, celebrating the same thing. Not needing to do anything at all but eat good food, play with cousins, and just...have fun.
He cherished it. He cherished this. What was happening in front of him. And he definitely tried to take as many pictures as he could.
But winter came fast. The weather dipped as even just those few days passed them by as if in a blink, and everyone had to wear something to keep the biting chill from nipping their fingers. How the seasons turned so quickly, Dragato would not know. It was a blessing and a curse.
And tonight…
“Dragato.”
...Tonight, it was very much a curse.
It was the day before the end of the week. By all accounts, Tali should’ve had one more celebration day left, to spend time with her cousins and to see them off. She should’ve had more food, more games, more fun. She had only just gotten to open all of her presents earlier that evening and she should’ve had time to enjoy them.
She should’ve had more time.
Gravel looks at him. It’s quiet, this late in the evening. Most everyone has gone off to their homes for the night, and those who remain are well asleep in his home, bundled up and warm.
Gravel is not asleep. But the expression on his face, the droop of his lids, Dragato knows he desperately he wishes that he were.
He doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want it to end, not so soon. They had just barely started. It’s not fair.
“Dragato,” Gravel says, and his tone is heavy, worn, firm. “It’s time.”
“I…” Because he’d tried so hard to prepare, he’d tried to brace himself and tell himself it was okay, he was ready, Tali was loved and she knew it, but the cold sets in and his breath stutters and he shakes his head even as he knows he must and he will, even if he can’t. “I-- When everyone is asleep? She--”
“Tomorrow,” Gravel cuts. “Tomorrow, we head to the canyons. Everyone can say goodbye then. I will not be sleeping until that time.”
Because Gravel doesn’t know if he would wake back up, Dragato knows.
NOVA. NOVA it kills him. He can’t do this. He just. He can’t. Not his Tali.
The tears sting his eyes and he hadn’t even noticed them falling until his vision is found blurry, and once they come they can’t seem to stop, a sob shaking through his throat that he has to swallow to keep from possibly waking anyone else.
Dragato shakes, and cries, and sobs as quietly as he’s able to, and when Gravel comes forward to usher him into his arms he goes without struggle, setting his face into his father’s shoulder like he were just a child again.
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Dragato doesn’t sleep through the night either. Couldn’t, knowing what was ahead.
The news spreads like fire, as it always does in their family, and although the day could not feel more bleak there’s a certain kind of forced energy that their relatives all uphold in order to keep Tali’s spirits well.
She’s awake, still, in Dragato’s arms. Remains that way as they all make their way to the canyons, down to Gravel’s cavern abode. Dragato and everyone else distract her with stories of childhood, with funny jokes and silly things, asking her opinion on any kind of fruit and cake and food they can think of just to hear her voice and, maybe, keep her awake just a bit longer.
Her responses are lackluster. She looks so tired, and he just wants his poor girl to rest, to feel better, to be happy and playful and curious again. She’s never felt so cold nor limp in his arms and it terrifies him in the worst way. No matter how natural it was, Tali shouldn’t be like this.
Eventually, they arrive. And Dragato knows it’s just because Gravel hasn’t been there in some time and so the flames aren’t lit, but he can’t help but feel as if he’s wandering into the belly of some dark beast. It’s dark within, pitch black. And he’s taking Tali inside, to be swallowed up.
He almost stops at the threshold. Almost, for how heavy his feet are, and the crying in his mind that tells him frantically to back up, go no further. He can’t do this.
Everyone is with him. Meta and Arthur and Gravel lead the way and Kirby hangs from his shoulder, beaming at Tali as if she were just taking a nap.
It gives him just enough strength to move.
Slowly, Dragato enters.
The goodbyes are slow, a bit somber yes, but for everyone around him there’s an element of injected cheer, so Tali won’t be afraid and that she knows everyone loves her. Little pets to her frills, smiles and waves.
Kirby somehow manages to give her a big hug, despite how she’s held in Dragato’s arms. “Have lots of cool dreams! I’ll miss you lots and lots!”
Dragato couldn’t ask for a better nephew.
Eventually, though, everyone has said their piece. Goodbyes are given, and those present back away to give Dragato his space.
Gravel steps forward. Behind him, in the dim light of the cavern where he had preoccupied himself, Dragato sees an opening dug into the back wall of his living area. He had been digging this entire time, Dragato knows, letting Tali have her last moments with her family before her long rest.
“It’s time.” He murmurs.
Dragato’s limbs are stiff. So cold, so brittle. He feels like he might fall apart each second he stands there, and he needs to focus on his breathing to keep from just-- running.
He can’t do this. He must. He can’t and he must. He will.
It hurts.
“It’ll be okay,” He whispers, and he doesn’t know if it’s to his daughter or himself. “Everything will be alright. Just a little nap and it’ll be all done with in a blink. Right there with grandpa.”
“Not forget Tali. Remember Tali.”
He can barely hear her. Tali’s eyes are struggling so deeply to stay open and he knows his little girl just wants to sleep. His poor girl.
“Never forget. I could never forget you,” He murmurs, words for her alone, and they’re fervent, quick and resolute. “You will be on my mind every second of every day, and I will be right here to see you when you wake up. Papa loves you, sweetheart. Papa loves you so, so much.”
Tali doesn’t respond.
Gravel holds out his arms.
And Dragato – he must he will he must – slowly, slowly. Relinquishes his child.
“Just for now,” Gravel murmurs.
“...Just for now.”
Everyone watches without a word as Gravel gives them all one final look and then turns to the burrow, leading further into the rock and soil. Watches as Gravel takes his grandchild and crawls within, as the hole begins to fill up with sand, leaves, rock, earth. Burying them both for the long winter.
Eventually, the entrance is covered. A little bit more rustling movement from within as it’s packed tight, it’s occupants settling in.
And then
nothing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Does it ever get better?”
Ramset gives him a look that is both questioning and far too knowing.
“Hibernating,” Dragato says, even though he doesn’t have to. “Has it ever gotten better?”
Ramset looks away, towards the cavern entrance. By this time the sun has long set, and the rest of their family have gone back to their homes. It’s just them now.
Dragato hasn’t moved from his spot, and his eyes haven’t left the burrow entrance, packed and covered with earth. As much darkness as there is now in this cavern, bare of any fire, one wouldn’t be able to distinguish it from the rest of the canyon wall.
“Not really,” Ramset says. “I hate watching him go each winter. Always have and always will.”
“How do you stand it?”
Ramset hums. “Well. Years pass, things change, people make friends. It did hurt, and it still does. It was just that people like Bate, Gordon… Well. They helped me grin and bear it. Friends are quite the boon like that.”
Dragato doesn’t move. His face remains hidden, turned towards the burrow, and Ramset watches him for a long moment.
“You know,” He sighs, finally. “Gravel had made me promise, when he began hibernating – ‘Don’t waste away in this cavern after I’ve gone to sleep. Your loved ones need you, and you need them.’ Something like that.”
Ramset lets out a quiet huff of laughter to himself. “I think maybe I very well could have done exactly that, if he hadn’t told me not to. Remind you of anyone?”
This time, Dragato finally turns. His eye, what Ramset can see of it, is dark. Wet, and Ramset know he’s been crying. He couldn’t imagine losing a child like this, but at least he could relate, in his own way.
“I think he would tell you the same thing, and Tali too, if she understood it. There’s nothing to gain by sitting here, waiting. She knows you’ll be right there to see her in the spring.
“So-” And he smiles, even if it carries a bit of its own pain, “-Why not go out and make some stories to tell for when she wakes up? It’s easier, with family.”
Dragato stares at him, for a long moment. Ramset could imagine what’s going on in his mind, he thinks. Maybe guilt. Maybe denial. Dragato loved his daughter so much, and Ramset could see himself thinking the same thing, were he in Dragato’s shoes needing to give up his young son like that.
“I think,” Dragato murmurs. “I’d like to go ahead and break that promise. Just. For tonight.”
“Hmm?”
Ramset watches as he sits heavy on the rough ground and stares downward. His hand slides over the rock beneath, tracing each little crack and crevice that only he can feel.
“I’d like to stay here. Just...tonight. If that’s…okay.”
Ahh.
Well.
“It is Tali’s first hibernation,” Ramset remarks quietly. And there is, maybe just a bit, a hint of fondness. “I don’t think one night would hurt.”
And it’s been awhile since he’s deigned to spend time with Gravel during his wintering, like this. Even if he might’ve harped about it, were he awake, he can’t imagine Gravel would grouse too much.
And if Dragato is at all surprised that his father remains with him for the evening, he makes no note of it.
He simply sits in the dark of a too-cold cavern in a too-cold canyon, and allows his father to come sit with him in quiet vigil for the first night of a very, very long four months.
.
.
.
Dragato is not all together surprised to hear that coming from his father’s mouth. It doesn’t mean that he’s any more happy to be hearing it.
Gravel sits at his side and gives him a look that’s as half calm as it is unreadable. Even to this day, so many years later, he still could be difficult to parse in the expression. No amount of grandchildren or new leases on life had quite changed that intrinsic part of himself, but Dragato wouldn’t have anyhow.
“And why is that?” Dragato says without quite looking at him. There’s a warm cup of tea in his hands that’s barely been touched, traces of seasoning and spice floating in granules at the top. His reflection stares up at him, watery and discolored.
“I believe you know why that is, my son.”
Dragato says nothing. The way his grip tightens around the cup in his hands says enough.
It was funny, he thought. Winter was supposed to be a time of celebration. No matter where he went across the cosmos, the holidays always seemed to coincide, even if the traditions were different. Gifts, love and laughter, ringing in a new year with friends and family.
Kalmari was, of course, no different. Squidmas was a holiday everyone looked forward to, and New Year’s was always heralded with fireworks, laughter, and maybe a little bit of alcohol. Even winter itself, which brought snow, was always something to look forward to.
Pity that he and his own family never could celebrate it without some kind of heartache.
“Dragato. She has not slept yet. If she doesn’t learn about it now, with her elders to teach her, how will she know when she’s grown, without her family? You understand this.”
“I know.” Spoken through grit teeth.
“You know. You don’t understand.”
Gravel rises from his spot at Dragato’s side and maneuvers across the living space to the fire that simmers beneath another boiling pot of tea. Despite that winter is coming, and the cold with it, Gravel’s canyon home is well-heated, and Dragato thinks it’s for more reason than just comfort and a reminder of North Nova.
He watches his father prepare the two of them another cup. The sounds of pouring and the crackling of fire over wood fill the space in those sparse minutes of quiet between them, soothing and unnerving both. The space feels so full for all that it’s just the two of them, here, saying not one word.
Gravel lets the tea soak with spices. Enough to water the eyes, but it was a luxury in the deserts of his homeland, and their family had acquired a taste for it over the years. And when it’s done, he brings both back over, hands Dragato a fresh cup and takes the old one out of his hands without fanfare.
“You let it go cold,” He chastises without heat.
“It still felt quite warm to me.”
“Warm isn’t how it should be consumed. Hot or not at all.”
“I must have forgotten.”
The new cup practically burns his hands. Still, he holds it and lets the heat sink in.
For a little bit longer, the silence holds steady, filled with unspoken thoughts and words. Fire crackles and warmth seeps into his skin, and beside him his father takes one long, slow sip of his drink.
Gravel wouldn’t push without reason. Who he is now isn’t who he had been before, bitter and angry with a vendetta against the world and himself for an accident that shouldn’t have happened. Gravel loved his family and Dragato knew it and loved him just as much.
Gravel does this out of love. He knows better than Dragato himself what the winter necessitates for a Zoos. All Zoos.
But still.
The thought of his daughter hibernating? Utterly terrifies him.
“Why couldn’t the family come to North Nova for Squidmas?”
“I think most of them would be ready to leave before sunset. I can imagine young Kirby would be especially full of complaints about no snow.”
It was a rhetorical question anyway.
Dragato gives a weary, tired sigh and raises the cup of tea to his lips, if only because his father had made it and to not drink from a second cup would be a waste and a disrespect to his hospitality. The flavor burns as much as the scalding water does – earthy, a hint of citrus and sour zest from unnamed plants hardy enough to grow in North Nova’s climate. It wasn’t any tea that Kalmari had, that was for certain.
“It must happen eventually, Dragato,” Gravel says gently. “I feel it now, in my bones. The fatigue and the need to nest. The warmth of home only does so much. I imagine Tali feels it too. She’s been napping far more than she ought to, hasn’t she?”
She has. Everyone around her has seen it. Slower than she should be, less excitable and reactive. She hasn’t even been as hungry as she should be, and Dragato couldn’t fathom that.
“I’m scared,” He mutters. “I can’t be without her. Not for that long.”
A few nights at Ramset’s is one thing, but…four months? Without seeing his daughter’s face, her toothy grin, her curiosity and excitement at the world around her? Hearing her good mornings or her good nights, not being able to help her bathe or tuck her in for a story?
How? How could he do that? He couldn’t. He would die of heartbreak in the first week, he was certain.
“It is an unfortunate part of life, one that we have to endure. Better that we all learn to navigate it now so that we can handle it without pain in the coming years.” Gravel tells him.
Without pain, Dragato thinks with acid. This was cruelty, is what it was. There was always going to be pain, no matter how many years went by.
He doesn’t say that, even if Gravel’s stare reads him like an open book. There’s no ill will in his eyes, just a calm, if maudlin understanding.
They had always gone to North Nova each winter, to avoid her sleeping. It was warm there where her body was more suited to the desert climates. Why couldn’t they keep doing it? Why did she have to sleep? What purpose did it serve? Animals migrated, birds migrated. It was the same thing.
“I just…”
Dragato feels a hand rest on his arm, rough and coarse but sure in its grip. Anchoring when he feels his breath begin to turn shuddered.
“She needs this,” Gravel says, and his tone is so soft, so calm. Dragato doesn’t understand how he could be so calm. “She needs to understand who she is before there is nobody around to teach her. For her own sake. Not ours.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I know.”
NOVA, Dragato doesn’t want to. Every year as a child it had been like this – to watch his father Gravel take to the canyon for the long sleep, to not be able to have him around for festivities. Watching father Ramset power through each winter with the sheer force of false positivity and hope, all the while seeing the hint of loneliness lurking behind his eyes each night.
He couldn’t imagine it with Tali.
Being a parent had its heartaches, he remembers Meta muttering. Kirby was so rambunctious, so eager to explore, and Meta had a hard job, watching what could very well be the last little Warrior in the universe. One had to give up some things in order to watch a child grow. That was how being a parent worked. It sounded like Bate’s teachings coming from his child’s mouth.
Parenting was a trial of control and fostering independence, and was a delicate balance of each. They had to let go of some things eventually.
Tali was so, so young.
And he...was a bit selfish.
…
His tea was cooling down again.
“...I suppose there is no reason Tali can’t decide to move to North Nova overwinter on her own when she is older.” Gravel mumbles. He doesn’t seem all too content with the idea, but Dragato recognizes the attempt to soothe his sore feelings anyhow.
Dragato gives a chuckle that doesn’t sound very amused at all and reaches up to rub his face, setting the tea beside him with finality.
She needs to know. Gravel is right. If they don’t acclimate her and themselves to hibernating now, Dragato may not ever have the will to do it, certainly not on his own. But NOVA, it’s--
“I will be with you,” Gravel says, and the grip on his arm gives a squeeze of assurance. “You won’t be alone. And neither will she when the time comes. I’ll be with her.”
Yes, Dragato thinks. He will. At least… At least there’s that.
And then Gravel stands.
“I believe,” He says, “We should get going. I imagine your father and Tali are wondering about us, don’t you think?”
Dragato looks at him. Gravel, standing, towers over him, and maybe were he still a child and Gravel still lost in his own pain it might’ve been scary, to have a being like Gravel with sharp teeth and frills and armor standing above him.
But Gravel, with no armor, only his hide and teeth and loose cloth wrappings to define him, looks only calm and resolute and with a soft shine in his eyes. Older, now, than he was, and better for it with years and communication to wisen him up. Dragato’s father, who tries every day to redeem himself.
Gravel offers out his hand to help him up.
“...Yes,” Dragato says. “I imagine they are. And I think I’m wondering about them too.”
“Seconded.”
And Dragato takes his hand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The flight from the canyon to Ramset’s home in Kalmari Forest is a short but quiet one. Neither of them have much to say, and Dragato is too caught up in his own thoughts to really bother with small talk anyhow.
He had always wondered as a child just why Ramset and Gravel, his parents and a married couple, chose to live apart. They valued different things and needed their space, but they didn’t love each other any less for it. It worked and that was what mattered.
He still didn’t really understand, but he was glad things worked out for them.
As the sun begins to dip under the horizon and the already cool air begins to grow colder, they enter the thickets of the forest and Dragato maneuvers his way through the familiar path to Ramset’s home within. The lights are on, he can see from the windows in the closing distance. Maybe his father’s started on supper for the family, figuring it would be a late visit.
Ramset has not started on much of anything, as Dragato discovers upon entry.
The house is lit with the evening darkness and the trees that blot out most of the sunset, and much like Gravel’s home Dragato feels a wave of heat hit him in the face the moment he opens the door. It’s cozy in the way that everything is lit but casts deep shadows, reminding him of nights stayed up late as a child, barely managing to stay awake when he shouldn’t be.
Ramset, in his living area, is on the floor. There are toys about, children’s objects primarily of North Novan make able to withstand Tali’s great strength and sharp claws, some of which Gravel had made himself.
Tali herself, though, is in Ramset’s lap. She’s curled up tight into a little ball of tail and wings and dragonhide, looks like a little pillbug, and Dragato would have cooed at the sight had he not felt himself go cold.
She’s asleep.
Not yet. Not already. He hadn’t had the chance to say anything, to even say goodbye--
“Breathe,” Gravel tells him, and that heavy hand from before comes down to land on his shoulder. “It isn’t time yet. Her breathing is yet shallow.”
Ramset gives them both a look, glances between them, narrows his eyes and nods with a smile that has no heart. He knows. “She’s been like this since you dropped her off,” He murmurs, and a hand slides through her frills in a well-practiced gesture, over and over again. “Poor thing.”
Dragato hesitates. But Ramset has always been able to read things keenly. Chances are his father already knows, even if he can’t muster the words without effort. “...She’s spending the winter here. Father Gravel and I discussed it.”
Ramset nods, unsurprised. “I figured as much.”
Dragato watches as Ramset stands with Tali held in a cradle in his arms, and steps forward further into the home to take her when Ramset holds her out. She weighs so little for being a girl so strong, feels...less warm than she should be, which frightens him, but he knows it’s a byproduct of her oncoming rest.
He looks down at her, dozing in his arms like this, and his heart warms and breaks somehow at the same time.
How can he do this? How could he leave her to sleep for months on end, while the world turned without her? He didn’t know. He didn’t know if he could.
But he had to.
Maybe sensing the change in atmosphere and the introduction of new, familiar scents, Dragato watches Tali loosen from her coiled position and give a great stretch, yawning wide enough to show each and every little sharp tooth in her mouth. Squishies thought it so terrifying, but Dragato could only find it the cutest thing he’d ever seen.
“Good morning,” He murmurs, and the warmth of his voice is all too sincere. “Have a nice nap?”
“Hiii papa…” Tali rubs at her eye and snorts, lets out a weak little plume of smoke. She looks at him and she’s sleepy, but the way her tail wiggles shows her excitement plenty enough. “Uh huh. Nap was nice.”
And then Gravel appears, just at Dragato’s right, peeking around his arm to give Tali a wide smile of his own. “Well, look who it is, just waking up. Good evening, Tali!”
Now there was something to be said about the connection Gravel and Tali had with each other. Gravel adored her as his grandchild, certainly, but Tali? Well, she just adored him. They all had their theories on it – Tali had someone to relate to who hailed from North Nova, and in most of West Nova, probably Gravel was the only other Zoos around.
She gravitated towards her grandfather like a little moth to a flame anytime she saw him, and nobody was stopping her when she chose to do so. Her father was no exception, much as she loved him.
“Grandpa!” She cries, and for the moment all traces of sleep vanish from her frame as she reaches little claws out to grab onto him, nearly falling from Dragato’s arms in the process. “Grandpa!”
“It’s good to see you too, little one! Careful – why don’t we all sit down, yes? I think we have a lot to catch up on…”
Dragato cannot be more thankful for the distraction. Tali is too caught up asking Gravel about what he’s been up to, chattering about everything she’s been doing and eating since she last saw him which wasn’t that long ago. Gravel is happy to talk to her too as they settle down in the living room and Dragato gets some snacks for everyone. She’s been so busy lately, hasn’t she? Gravel is so proud of her, look how strong she’s getting!
“And how have you been feeling, my girl?” Gravel prods eventually, when everything is settled and there is food that Tali, notably, does not touch. “Hungry?” A shake of the head. “Thirsty?” A shake. “Sleepy?”
“Yeah! Reeeaal sleepy.” And she encapsulates the sentiment with a yawn that grabs her mid-sentence, although she shakes herself of the drowsiness quickly.
“Mmh. I’ve been feeling quite sleepy as well. For us Zoos, it’s normal when it gets cold. Have you felt it lately? The air?” Gravel glances Dragato’s way as Tali responds in the affirmative from her place on Gravel’s knee. “It’s almost winter, dear girl.”
Dragato has remained silent most of this time they’ve talked, as had Ramset, who chose to let Gravel handle the situation as a Zoos who knew the situation better than he did. Dragato, however, couldn’t blame anything but a kind of nervous anxiety for his lack of speech.
If he said anything, then it was going to be real.
Gravel looks at him pointedly, waiting.
Dragato takes a breath and smiles. “We aren’t going to be going to North Nova this year, Tali. We’re staying in Kalmari!”
And NOVA, does it pain him to see the way her eyes light up. To hear the happy noise she makes as she looks from her father to her grandfathers with a wondering, excited gleam in her eye.
“Stay with cousins! Have Squidmas! Staying, grandpas!”
How did he do this. How did he do this.
“Well, I’m...afraid not, Tali. Not exactly.”
“Huh?”
Dragato’s smile only stays on his face because he knows if he lets it fall, Tali will catch it, and of all things he can’t have her more upset than she’s going to be when he gives her the news.
He smiles at her in Gravel’s lap, reaches over to give her a scritch of the frills, and tries to explain it in a way a child would understand. “Well, you’re going to be hibernating this year, Tali. With your grandpa Gravel!”
She doesn’t know what that means. She doesn’t know what that means. He should have explained it.
“Hibernating? What that?”
His smile feels like plastic glued to his face.
“Hibernating,” Gravel says with far too much ease, “is when creatures like us need to sleep. All day and all night. For a very long time, until winter is over and it’s warm again. Does that make sense?”
“Erm.”
“You know how you feel sleepy? That’s you getting ready to hibernate. To go to sleep for a long time. Grandpa Gravel feels it too. And when it’s time to sleep, grandpa can help you learn to burrow, and then we’ll wake up when it’s spring again.”
Her snout wrinkles with the effort of understanding how he means. “Can wake up and play with cousins?”
“I’m afraid not, Tali. Hibernating is a big, big sleep. You and me, we won’t wake up for a long time. At all. Not until spring when it’s a lot warmer.”
Dragato had been waiting on pins and needles, for the moment she might realize, for what her reaction would be. It was such a long time for a child so young, and she would be missing Kalmari’s favorite celebrations with her cousins, would be missing North Nova’s own festivals too because she also enjoyed those even if they weren’t with her family.
He sees it in the way her expression turns as the reality of it sinks, in the way her brow furrows and her lip curls and Gravel starts to pat her side for a semblance of comfort. “No!” She barks with indignation, and she looks at Dragato quickly, who has to fight to keep eye contact with her. “Go to North Nova instead!”
“I’m afraid not, Tali,” And he has to fight so hard to keep his tone from shaking, from showing her that it kills him just to even think about. “It’s...something every little Zoos needs to learn here. For you to be big and strong and healthy.”
“No! No! No!”
Tali wouldn’t have listened to anything he had to say about it. She wouldn’t have understood, neither would she have cared, and Dragato knew it was going to happen but still it makes him want to cry when Tali near starts crying herself at what she’s being told to do.
Neither Dragato nor Gravel nor Ramset can do much of anything to calm her down, and to his credit Gravel looks entirely unsurprised.
“Stay awake! Not gonna sleep!”
“I’m sorry, dear girl. Your grandpa Gravel tried that himself a long time ago, when your papa was little. Our bodies want us to sleep, and so sleep we must.”
“Don’t want it! Won’t do it! Stupid! Stupid! No! Want cousins! Want papa and grandpas! Won’t do it!”
She tantrums. She spits all sorts of child-appropriate vitriol and thrashes and yells and cries and Dragato doesn’t have the heart to correct her language while Gravel somehow manages to hold her through something that might’ve broken the bones of literally anyone else.
There’s nothing they can do. There’s nothing anyone can do and Dragato can’t take it, being so helpless to soothe his girl’s upset. She has to learn, but why does his heart have to feel like it’s bleeding for her to do so? Why do they need to do this? Why them?
Ramset looks at him, quietly. He sees his son’s feelings, and Dragato sees the look in Ramset’s eyes that says his father has asked himself the exact same thing. Over and over. Year after year.
Why them?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dinner does eventually get made. Ramset doesn’t make it on his own though.
Dragato and Ramset stay in the kitchen to make it, in part because there are about three more mouths to feed than usual and one has elected to stay over for a few days to help smooth things over and bring some peace to the household.
Dragato, for his own health, couldn’t stay at Tali’s side for very long. Tali’s upset still had not abated even as the hours ticked by, and even from the kitchen he could hear her near caterwauls of adamant refusal.
“I wouldn’t feel too guilty,” Ramset had murmured. “Gravel is her favorite. I think he has everything well under control. Everyone needs a break, and parents especially.”
It’ll be alright, he’d said. It certainly didn’t feel that way, but he’d take his father’s word for it.
Gravel, for his part, had fielded each complaint that he could, and when he couldn’t had simply acknowledged her frustrations and let her feel her feelings. She didn’t want to miss anything. She didn’t want to sleep. She wouldn’t even know any time had passed, he’d said. Everyone would be right there waiting for her when she woke up, and she would have grandpa Gravel right there with her the whole time.
His heart ached for the little one, truly. In truth it brought back a few memories that he would rather forget, but it was not the time nor the place to reminisce on such things. He knew the pain his granddaughter was going through, and he would never let her suffer such as he had, forced to hibernate alone with no goodbyes.
But he understood her fears.
“Don’ wanna,” She eventually sniffles, when it seems like enough of her energy has burnt that the drowsiness in her core starts to overtake her big emotions. Her poor face is a mess of tears and snot, and Gravel rubs her back as she curls up in his lap and buries that face into his shoulder. “Don’ wanna…”
“I’m sorry, my girl. I know it’s hard. Grandpa has a hard time with it too…”
“Everyone gonna forget Tali…”
And that makes Gravel blink.
Is that what she’s scared of? How unprecedented. Gravel wouldn’t have guessed, honestly. Still.
His hand rubs over Tali’s back where he’s placed it maybe half an hour prior, careful of her wings. Soothing in its motion, in a familiar manner he recalls attempting with his sons when they themselves were young and he was getting used to them.
“Tali, look at me please.”
She pulls back to do so, and he wipes at one eye as he looks at her, firm and resolute. Brow furrowed but eyes bright with conviction.
“Your papa will never forget you,” He says. “Nobody would ever forget you. Not ever. Ask me or your grandpa Ramset – your papa never, ever stops talking about you. A thousand years could pass and your father would still always be thinking about you. And your cousins, and your uncles, and us, grandpa Gravel and Ramset and Bate – we love you so much. We’d never forget you. Do you understand?”
She doesn’t nod, but the way her tail wiggles behind her is a good sign. Gravel will take it.
He thinks to himself for a bit. Hibernating was a pain point he had had to endure with his own family for years, and that hadn’t stopped when Dragato and Falspar were children. They too had been upset about it.
But those two had had…
Something occurs to him.
“You know what,” He says quickly. “I have an idea! When your father and uncles were about your age, and grandpa Gravel had to hibernate, every year we had a tradition.”
“Uh huh?”
“We had a celebration week. Every day, until grandpa had to sleep, we would celebrate early Squidmas and New Year’s, all at the same time. Lots of food, presents, lots of games, and your father and uncles, they got to stay up well past their bedtime. Oh, they loved it.”
NOVA, that brought back memories. The laughter, the excitement. Being able to share in a holiday the way Gravel wouldn’t have been able to under normal circumstances. Being celebrated, in a way he hadn’t been. They were some of the happiest memories of his life.
“Does that sound fun, Tali? You could have a nice roast every day, and all your favorite dishes so you’re full when you’re ready to sleep. And everyone will be invited, cousins and all! How does that sound?”
Tali deserved to have those memories far more than Gravel had. She was so young. If anyone deserved a celebration like that, certainly it was her.
“Roast! Papa make roast!”
And of course Tali loves the idea. She practically yells it, raises her little arms up in triumph and excitement at the prospect of having a celebration for Squidmas, New Year’s, and herself. It’s the happiest Gravel has seen her in some time.
“Everything you can eat,” Gravel assures her. He’d cook it all himself if he had to. “Ramset! Dragato! We have a party to plan, where are you two?”
“Papa! Roast!”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The idea had gone down well, as he’d hoped. And when it was pitched to the rest of the family, there was nobody who was unwilling to pitch in to celebrate a week that was just for Tali to celebrate the holidays that she couldn’t otherwise. Presents, food, games, who wouldn’t have wanted that?
Everyone came together. Even Meta and Kirby had decided to come early for a visit to spend time with her, in lieu of coming for Squidmas after she would be asleep, both of them bearing gifts for Tali to tear open on a later day of the week.
For all that Squidmas and New Year’s was a time to celebrate, Dragato honestly had to say that this week was far more festive than either holiday combined, and that wasn’t just his father’s heart talking.
They ate good food, everything prepared by family and even some friends who had heard of the festivities on the grapevine. An enormous potluck hosted in Dragato’s home and too many people to fit, so it had to be held outside. Fireworks gone off on a clear winter night, the children shrieking as they ran around under the stars. Staying up far too late past their bedtimes, and yes they were overtired and angry, but it was worth it for this one week.
Tali was beside herself with a joy and an excitement that Dragato wasn’t sure he had ever seen. It warmed his heart, and it reminded him so much of his younger years, when he had been almost her age, celebrating the same thing. Not needing to do anything at all but eat good food, play with cousins, and just...have fun.
He cherished it. He cherished this. What was happening in front of him. And he definitely tried to take as many pictures as he could.
But winter came fast. The weather dipped as even just those few days passed them by as if in a blink, and everyone had to wear something to keep the biting chill from nipping their fingers. How the seasons turned so quickly, Dragato would not know. It was a blessing and a curse.
And tonight…
“Dragato.”
...Tonight, it was very much a curse.
It was the day before the end of the week. By all accounts, Tali should’ve had one more celebration day left, to spend time with her cousins and to see them off. She should’ve had more food, more games, more fun. She had only just gotten to open all of her presents earlier that evening and she should’ve had time to enjoy them.
She should’ve had more time.
Gravel looks at him. It’s quiet, this late in the evening. Most everyone has gone off to their homes for the night, and those who remain are well asleep in his home, bundled up and warm.
Gravel is not asleep. But the expression on his face, the droop of his lids, Dragato knows he desperately he wishes that he were.
He doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want it to end, not so soon. They had just barely started. It’s not fair.
“Dragato,” Gravel says, and his tone is heavy, worn, firm. “It’s time.”
“I…” Because he’d tried so hard to prepare, he’d tried to brace himself and tell himself it was okay, he was ready, Tali was loved and she knew it, but the cold sets in and his breath stutters and he shakes his head even as he knows he must and he will, even if he can’t. “I-- When everyone is asleep? She--”
“Tomorrow,” Gravel cuts. “Tomorrow, we head to the canyons. Everyone can say goodbye then. I will not be sleeping until that time.”
Because Gravel doesn’t know if he would wake back up, Dragato knows.
NOVA. NOVA it kills him. He can’t do this. He just. He can’t. Not his Tali.
The tears sting his eyes and he hadn’t even noticed them falling until his vision is found blurry, and once they come they can’t seem to stop, a sob shaking through his throat that he has to swallow to keep from possibly waking anyone else.
Dragato shakes, and cries, and sobs as quietly as he’s able to, and when Gravel comes forward to usher him into his arms he goes without struggle, setting his face into his father’s shoulder like he were just a child again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dragato doesn’t sleep through the night either. Couldn’t, knowing what was ahead.
The news spreads like fire, as it always does in their family, and although the day could not feel more bleak there’s a certain kind of forced energy that their relatives all uphold in order to keep Tali’s spirits well.
She’s awake, still, in Dragato’s arms. Remains that way as they all make their way to the canyons, down to Gravel’s cavern abode. Dragato and everyone else distract her with stories of childhood, with funny jokes and silly things, asking her opinion on any kind of fruit and cake and food they can think of just to hear her voice and, maybe, keep her awake just a bit longer.
Her responses are lackluster. She looks so tired, and he just wants his poor girl to rest, to feel better, to be happy and playful and curious again. She’s never felt so cold nor limp in his arms and it terrifies him in the worst way. No matter how natural it was, Tali shouldn’t be like this.
Eventually, they arrive. And Dragato knows it’s just because Gravel hasn’t been there in some time and so the flames aren’t lit, but he can’t help but feel as if he’s wandering into the belly of some dark beast. It’s dark within, pitch black. And he’s taking Tali inside, to be swallowed up.
He almost stops at the threshold. Almost, for how heavy his feet are, and the crying in his mind that tells him frantically to back up, go no further. He can’t do this.
Everyone is with him. Meta and Arthur and Gravel lead the way and Kirby hangs from his shoulder, beaming at Tali as if she were just taking a nap.
It gives him just enough strength to move.
Slowly, Dragato enters.
The goodbyes are slow, a bit somber yes, but for everyone around him there’s an element of injected cheer, so Tali won’t be afraid and that she knows everyone loves her. Little pets to her frills, smiles and waves.
Kirby somehow manages to give her a big hug, despite how she’s held in Dragato’s arms. “Have lots of cool dreams! I’ll miss you lots and lots!”
Dragato couldn’t ask for a better nephew.
Eventually, though, everyone has said their piece. Goodbyes are given, and those present back away to give Dragato his space.
Gravel steps forward. Behind him, in the dim light of the cavern where he had preoccupied himself, Dragato sees an opening dug into the back wall of his living area. He had been digging this entire time, Dragato knows, letting Tali have her last moments with her family before her long rest.
“It’s time.” He murmurs.
Dragato’s limbs are stiff. So cold, so brittle. He feels like he might fall apart each second he stands there, and he needs to focus on his breathing to keep from just-- running.
He can’t do this. He must. He can’t and he must. He will.
It hurts.
“It’ll be okay,” He whispers, and he doesn’t know if it’s to his daughter or himself. “Everything will be alright. Just a little nap and it’ll be all done with in a blink. Right there with grandpa.”
“Not forget Tali. Remember Tali.”
He can barely hear her. Tali’s eyes are struggling so deeply to stay open and he knows his little girl just wants to sleep. His poor girl.
“Never forget. I could never forget you,” He murmurs, words for her alone, and they’re fervent, quick and resolute. “You will be on my mind every second of every day, and I will be right here to see you when you wake up. Papa loves you, sweetheart. Papa loves you so, so much.”
Tali doesn’t respond.
Gravel holds out his arms.
And Dragato – he must he will he must – slowly, slowly. Relinquishes his child.
“Just for now,” Gravel murmurs.
“...Just for now.”
Everyone watches without a word as Gravel gives them all one final look and then turns to the burrow, leading further into the rock and soil. Watches as Gravel takes his grandchild and crawls within, as the hole begins to fill up with sand, leaves, rock, earth. Burying them both for the long winter.
Eventually, the entrance is covered. A little bit more rustling movement from within as it’s packed tight, it’s occupants settling in.
And then
nothing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Does it ever get better?”
Ramset gives him a look that is both questioning and far too knowing.
“Hibernating,” Dragato says, even though he doesn’t have to. “Has it ever gotten better?”
Ramset looks away, towards the cavern entrance. By this time the sun has long set, and the rest of their family have gone back to their homes. It’s just them now.
Dragato hasn’t moved from his spot, and his eyes haven’t left the burrow entrance, packed and covered with earth. As much darkness as there is now in this cavern, bare of any fire, one wouldn’t be able to distinguish it from the rest of the canyon wall.
“Not really,” Ramset says. “I hate watching him go each winter. Always have and always will.”
“How do you stand it?”
Ramset hums. “Well. Years pass, things change, people make friends. It did hurt, and it still does. It was just that people like Bate, Gordon… Well. They helped me grin and bear it. Friends are quite the boon like that.”
Dragato doesn’t move. His face remains hidden, turned towards the burrow, and Ramset watches him for a long moment.
“You know,” He sighs, finally. “Gravel had made me promise, when he began hibernating – ‘Don’t waste away in this cavern after I’ve gone to sleep. Your loved ones need you, and you need them.’ Something like that.”
Ramset lets out a quiet huff of laughter to himself. “I think maybe I very well could have done exactly that, if he hadn’t told me not to. Remind you of anyone?”
This time, Dragato finally turns. His eye, what Ramset can see of it, is dark. Wet, and Ramset know he’s been crying. He couldn’t imagine losing a child like this, but at least he could relate, in his own way.
“I think he would tell you the same thing, and Tali too, if she understood it. There’s nothing to gain by sitting here, waiting. She knows you’ll be right there to see her in the spring.
“So-” And he smiles, even if it carries a bit of its own pain, “-Why not go out and make some stories to tell for when she wakes up? It’s easier, with family.”
Dragato stares at him, for a long moment. Ramset could imagine what’s going on in his mind, he thinks. Maybe guilt. Maybe denial. Dragato loved his daughter so much, and Ramset could see himself thinking the same thing, were he in Dragato’s shoes needing to give up his young son like that.
“I think,” Dragato murmurs. “I’d like to go ahead and break that promise. Just. For tonight.”
“Hmm?”
Ramset watches as he sits heavy on the rough ground and stares downward. His hand slides over the rock beneath, tracing each little crack and crevice that only he can feel.
“I’d like to stay here. Just...tonight. If that’s…okay.”
Ahh.
Well.
“It is Tali’s first hibernation,” Ramset remarks quietly. And there is, maybe just a bit, a hint of fondness. “I don’t think one night would hurt.”
And it’s been awhile since he’s deigned to spend time with Gravel during his wintering, like this. Even if he might’ve harped about it, were he awake, he can’t imagine Gravel would grouse too much.
And if Dragato is at all surprised that his father remains with him for the evening, he makes no note of it.
He simply sits in the dark of a too-cold cavern in a too-cold canyon, and allows his father to come sit with him in quiet vigil for the first night of a very, very long four months.
-The End-
Artist Comment:
January 13, 2024
-----------------
O BOY! I HAVE A LOT TO DISCUSS ABOUT THIS STORY!!!
This sketch was from my January doodle dump located here~! I mentioned it was an AU- "What if Gravel didn't die, and is able to be there in Tali's life?" The idea was pitched one day by my good friend, Dogblog, and I honestly really liked the idea of having cute little moments where Gravel is helping Dragato raise his daughter. Because Gravel is a Zoos like Tali, he's able to help assist his son, and answer a good portion of his questions. I also love the idea of him helping her hibernate for the first time.
In canon, Dragato takes Tali to North Nova each cold season to avoid her going into hibernation. (Partly selfish reasons, he doesn't want to be apart from Tali for several months) Because of this, Tali doesn't know anything about hibernation. And if she WERE to go into hibernation, she'd know next to nothing about it.
But if Gravel was still alive, he would help Tali and hibernate with her. And eventually, Tali could choose if she wanted to spend the cold season in Kalmari- hibernating with her Grandpa. Or spend it in North Nova with her Papa~ >v<
Ah, okay! So, the literature above it the first time she hibernates~ Gravel recommends letting Tali learn young while her elders are still able to teach it to her. Hibernating is a natural part of life, and Gravel doesn't want her to be afraid of it. Gravel will show her how to burrow, and he will be right besides her for the whole process. Dragato eventually agrees, and for the first time in Tali's young life, she's going to learn how to hibernate.
OKAY! Now the really important stuff down below~~~!!!
The literature was written by my friend, Dogblog. (Her half of an art trade we did awhile back.) I always admire the work she puts into her writing, BUT I did not expect this story to hit so hard for me. Words can't describe how much I love this story and the AU tied to it. It's one of the few times where I love it more than canon. And I've been sitting on it ever since.
I've looking back at my work when I introduced Tali and Tula. Trying to think of ANYTHING will cause certain events to clash or mess up my timeline.
And it's rare when I do this. VERY rare, because I can only think of one instance where I backtracked and changed the fate of a character to such an extent. (Not counting other things /cough lol) The other being Pyrell, Falspar and Tula. Pyrell was originally going to die in the GSA, and Falspar would never have adopted Tula after the death of Ramset as a result. I ended up changing canon to let Pyrell live and have his happy ending with Fally and Tula.
And... I think I will be doing the same with Gravel.
I'm usually REALLY strict and firm with my decisions once someone dies. There's always a reason why they die. I don't like just killing off characters without reason. And while I really liked the way I portrayed the aftermath of his death- (It caused a lot of drama between several characters) I think I'll manage, maybe.
I've created a new scenario, BUT I really prefer the old one soooo much more. Something REALLY big is going to happen in the new one, and whether or not I decide to share it or not (I tend to be secretive with their deaths aside from Bate) you'll understand why. It will be a massive project to take on, and a LOT of characters will be effected by this. A LOT. Just a massive amount of work will need to be done, is all. Gonna take some time to really make this new canon work.
But I'm willing to take on that challenge. It'll give me plenty of time to work on it while I'm keeping myself busy with other projects.
That being said~!!!
I am changing my canon to extend Gravel's life a bit further. So he'll be able to spend time with his Granddaughter. ;u;
There was a running theme in my series where the Grandbabies are never able to meet their grandparents. (Gordon never seeing Cellic, Tula never seeing Ramset, Gravel never meeting Tali.) And I sorta wanted to keep it that way, but maybe it'll be nice if just one Grandpa saw their Grandkid. (I don't count Bate. He's the main character, he doesn't count. lol)
So I will give Gravel the chance to be there for Tali. If only for a few more years~ <333 Gravel's design will also look slightly different. Just has a few more scars from an incident trying to protect Tali from something. :^D I got lots of ideas for them now. lol
The timeline is now outdated. It's not canon anymore. XP
TIME FOR MORE GRANDPA FLUFF!!!! / Runs awayyyy!
January 13, 2024
-----------------
O BOY! I HAVE A LOT TO DISCUSS ABOUT THIS STORY!!!
This sketch was from my January doodle dump located here~! I mentioned it was an AU- "What if Gravel didn't die, and is able to be there in Tali's life?" The idea was pitched one day by my good friend, Dogblog, and I honestly really liked the idea of having cute little moments where Gravel is helping Dragato raise his daughter. Because Gravel is a Zoos like Tali, he's able to help assist his son, and answer a good portion of his questions. I also love the idea of him helping her hibernate for the first time.
In canon, Dragato takes Tali to North Nova each cold season to avoid her going into hibernation. (Partly selfish reasons, he doesn't want to be apart from Tali for several months) Because of this, Tali doesn't know anything about hibernation. And if she WERE to go into hibernation, she'd know next to nothing about it.
But if Gravel was still alive, he would help Tali and hibernate with her. And eventually, Tali could choose if she wanted to spend the cold season in Kalmari- hibernating with her Grandpa. Or spend it in North Nova with her Papa~ >v<
Ah, okay! So, the literature above it the first time she hibernates~ Gravel recommends letting Tali learn young while her elders are still able to teach it to her. Hibernating is a natural part of life, and Gravel doesn't want her to be afraid of it. Gravel will show her how to burrow, and he will be right besides her for the whole process. Dragato eventually agrees, and for the first time in Tali's young life, she's going to learn how to hibernate.
OKAY! Now the really important stuff down below~~~!!!
The literature was written by my friend, Dogblog. (Her half of an art trade we did awhile back.) I always admire the work she puts into her writing, BUT I did not expect this story to hit so hard for me. Words can't describe how much I love this story and the AU tied to it. It's one of the few times where I love it more than canon. And I've been sitting on it ever since.
I've looking back at my work when I introduced Tali and Tula. Trying to think of ANYTHING will cause certain events to clash or mess up my timeline.
And it's rare when I do this. VERY rare, because I can only think of one instance where I backtracked and changed the fate of a character to such an extent. (Not counting other things /cough lol) The other being Pyrell, Falspar and Tula. Pyrell was originally going to die in the GSA, and Falspar would never have adopted Tula after the death of Ramset as a result. I ended up changing canon to let Pyrell live and have his happy ending with Fally and Tula.
And... I think I will be doing the same with Gravel.
I'm usually REALLY strict and firm with my decisions once someone dies. There's always a reason why they die. I don't like just killing off characters without reason. And while I really liked the way I portrayed the aftermath of his death- (It caused a lot of drama between several characters) I think I'll manage, maybe.
I've created a new scenario, BUT I really prefer the old one soooo much more. Something REALLY big is going to happen in the new one, and whether or not I decide to share it or not (I tend to be secretive with their deaths aside from Bate) you'll understand why. It will be a massive project to take on, and a LOT of characters will be effected by this. A LOT. Just a massive amount of work will need to be done, is all. Gonna take some time to really make this new canon work.
But I'm willing to take on that challenge. It'll give me plenty of time to work on it while I'm keeping myself busy with other projects.
That being said~!!!
I am changing my canon to extend Gravel's life a bit further. So he'll be able to spend time with his Granddaughter. ;u;
There was a running theme in my series where the Grandbabies are never able to meet their grandparents. (Gordon never seeing Cellic, Tula never seeing Ramset, Gravel never meeting Tali.) And I sorta wanted to keep it that way, but maybe it'll be nice if just one Grandpa saw their Grandkid. (I don't count Bate. He's the main character, he doesn't count. lol)
So I will give Gravel the chance to be there for Tali. If only for a few more years~ <333 Gravel's design will also look slightly different. Just has a few more scars from an incident trying to protect Tali from something. :^D I got lots of ideas for them now. lol
The timeline is now outdated. It's not canon anymore. XP
TIME FOR MORE GRANDPA FLUFF!!!! / Runs awayyyy!
Species © Nintendo/ HAL Laboratory
Interpreted characters created from said species © Rhylem
Interpreted characters created from said species © Rhylem
